Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Rediscovery

At 36, almost 37 years old, one does not expect to re-discover themselves, religiously speaking. I expected to go through the usual soul-searching accompanied with the sagging of breasts and peri-menopause, but I wasn't counting on going through a religious conversion.

Well, conversion isn't quite the right term. I am expanding. I had my beginnings in no religion, and moved into Wicca rather comfortably and solidly at 18. Now, 18 years later, I am hungry for more, desperate for something deeper. Greek religion, both ancient and modern style practices, seems to be the place for me to explore, considering the deities that have called me are Hecate and Dionysus.

I find that the truly "reconstructionist" rituals, done solo, are quite short and to the point. I find myself standing around, wondering where the rest of the ceremony is. It feels abrupt. The first time I did a true offering to Dionysus, a sacrifice of wine as thanks for something, I poured the wine and prayed, and then stood there rather awkwardly. In my Wiccan days, it would have been time to chant or sing, or dance, or call or dismiss Quarters, or something. But I knew that those things were wrong for this... and yet the lack of "ceremony" really bothered me. I stood there, shifting restlessly from foot to foot, until I got a distinct impression of, "Yes? I heard, you're welcome, and was there something *else* you wanted?" I realized I had "left the phone off the hook," so to speak. I was rather embarrassed and rushed to close things down.

I am NOT a Greek Recon, though. I doubt I ever will be. My interest in magick is too full and vibrant. I don't over-use it, but I do like to have it as an option, and my understanding of the past is that magick was considered impious to the Greeks. Honestly, I doubt they meant the kind of magick I do, but still... I am aware of labels, and I won't take one I consider wrong. I am not trying very hard to reconstruct the past, and so I am not really a reconstructionist, am I?

What I AM doing, is educating myself. I'm reading the Odessy, and I have the Illiad for when that's done. I have a Greek recon book on the way, which I plan to read through thoroughly. I will, in the vernacular of the times, take what I like and leave the rest. I value UPG (unverified personal gnosis) highly, for my personal worship, and am pleased when it "works" for the others that I worship with on a regular basis. I don't present it as a truth of any sort - they know it's UPG, and are actively seeking their own UPG to verify or question my own.

I do love my Gods. Hecate is often like an old friend, although perhaps a very powerful one. My interactions with her are well-oiled, and move smoothly. I have worshipped her and served her for many years, even throughout my Wiccan days. Dionysus is different, much more gentle in his approach to me, and yet much more forceful in other ways. I feel his touch in my relationship with my partners, oddly enough, and I am thankful for it. He has lent me calm when I needed it, and the ability to get upset in a useful manner when that is what is needed.

My altar is slowly progressing away from the Wiccan look, to something more syncretic, I suppose. But then again, the Greeks were always rather syncretic, blending other religions into their own. I'm not going to do "Greek Wicca" or anything like that, mind you. That sounds decidedly "Not Right." So... I'm creating, with a critical eye on re-creation.
Post a Comment