Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Work you were born to do.

Back when I used to attend Alcoholics Anonymous (I spent 8 years in the program with my friend, though I'm not alcoholic and now drink responsibly), I picked up all the usual books: the Big Book, a 12 Step manual, some of the history books... One of the books that I got from my friend, was a little hardback called The Eye Opener. It's written anonymously by someone in the program, as a daily reading to encourage thinking and reflecting. Each page is for a different day, and you can either read the day that you are on, or you can pick randomly.

The entry for January 7th:

On day you were awake, hopeless sot; then came a day when you were clear eyed and sober. You are certainly aware that you could not, of yourself, accomplish this miracle -- for it was truly a miracle.

This did not happen because you were selected by wild chance. You were chosen because you posessed the qualities that made you suitable for the work the Higher Power needed done. To say that you lack the ability to "carry the message" is to question the wisdom of God.

There is work here that you were born to do.

I read that last night, before doing my meditation and my offering to the Gods. It struck me, hard. There are times when I begin to doubt my ability to do the things that are before me. I need to remember that the Gods don't give me things that are too difficult for me to do; sometimes I may need to ask for help, or talk to someonewith more experience, but I can always find the answer, somehow. I need to learn to trust the Gods, and myself, and my own abilities.

There's a fine line between divine knowledge, and self-delusion, and it's so easy to get them confused. Is an idea that pops into your head something sent by the Gods, or is it just something your brain created in a fevered moment? Are you crazy, or are they really wanting you to write that poem/create that ritual/marry that couple? How do you judge what is real and what is fantasy? I think the answer is that you must learn to judge carefully, and be honest with yourself. The right answers will reveal themselves over time.

Right now, I am finding myself being challenged on the Hellenic front. Much of my personal practice is very Hellenic in nature, now, but I do not (yet, at least) consider myself an Hellene. Part of this is because I am not interested in reconstructing the past; I live in the here-and-now and have no interest in following the exact pursuits of people who've been dead for 2500 years. The other part, I suspect, is because I am afraid of stepping into a position where people will assume I have authority.

Within Wicca, I learned a lot very quickly. It was the correct path for me when I found it, and I delved into it with an open heart and an open mind. For many years, I continued to be stunned that people would turn to me as a leader. I'm so young, I would think, or so inexperienced. That isn't true, though, anymore. I'm almost 37 years old, and I've been practicing occult religions and spirituality for nearly 20 years straight. I'm no longer a shiney new penny, and I'm content with that. In the Hellenic community, though, I AM new. I haven't read the whole Illiad, nor the Oddessy, and I haven't read any of the classics. I know no Greek language, beyond being able to order great tasting food. I just have my feelings and revelations. The fact that some of them have turned out to be "right" is ... could be coincidence.

I'd like to be the student again. I miss that. I'd rather sit at Sannion's knee, and learn from him, despite being older than he is. He has so much to teach me! And others, on some of the Hellenic lists, have inspired me to great heights. I want to listen to what they say, and integrate it into my own knowledge base.

Yet, I cannot responsibly deny that there are divine reasons for me being right here, right now, doing what I am doing. I was born to do this work...
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