Monday, August 31, 2009


I'm about to start my course work at The New Seminary. I'm reading The Ten Challenges by Leonard Felder, and have my other books ready to go. I'm bouncy, excited, and wanting to work.

I'm also nervous, and a bit shakey. I've taken courses aplenty over the past eight years, but none that were "bought and paid for" or that mattered one way or the other. The other courses were for fun. This one is more real, in many ways. This one counts.

I'm also suffering from just a little bit of guilt. The family is going through such a tough time, financially. We're not starving or anything, but we are very tight and scrimping all around. Part of my brain keeps asking me to put off my education, to set it aside "for the good of the family." I feel guilty because school will take time away from my keeping up the house, cooking, farming...

On the other hand, my education IS important. It's important for my self esteem, and it's important because other people in the family have had their dreams addressed and now it's my time. But I'm still struggling with that guilt.

I'm very pleased with my new altar layout. Things in my room feel much more spacious and clean, and I think it looks both neater and more focused. Because so much of my work this year will be inner work, I wanted to make certain that my altar areas were ready for use, ready to be sat down at and paid attention to. I think that's true, now. My altar spaces now beckon to be knelt at, or stood in front of. They're set up in such a way that they invite my presence. This is a wonderful, good thing.
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