To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under the sun. A time to be born and a time to die; a time to plant and a time to pluck up that which is planted; a time to kill and a time to heal ... a time to weep and a time to laugh; a time to mourn and a time to dance ... a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to lose and a time to seek; a time to rend and a time to sew; a time to keep silent and a time to speak; a time to love and a time to hate; a time for war and a time for peace.-- Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
That quote has always seemed so profound to me. Now that my first year of seminary is quickly coming to a close, I have been thinking of it almost constantly. Though I am not drowning in homework anymore, I am definitely feeling the pressure. Soon, I will be faced by my Deans, asked questions, examined for my fitness for initiation (and later for ordination).
On one level I know that I will do fine. I've gotten good marks, had thoughtful commentary posted on my homework, etc. Marks aren't enough, though, when you're dealing with seminary training. Getting an 'A' doesn't mean you'll make a good minister, pastor, or priestess. It just means you study well and do your homework. And that isn't enough.
I'm not desperately worried. I feel prepared. I have moments when I go through a bit of panic, but it quickly passes, and I know I will do fine. It still preys on my mind during unguarded moments, though. My last initiatory ritual was when I dedicated myself to Dionysos, and that was met with quite a bit of chaos. I wonder what will happen after this one.
Perhaps I'm paying the chaos price prior to the initiation this time. Things have been very hectic and chaotic around here lately. My dress for the retreat arrived, and it's beautiful and perfect... except that it doesn't fit. Argh. I've contacted the company to see if I can get one size larger. If not... I'll be doing something drastic: a severe diet to lose inches as fast as I can. The dress will fit if I drop 15 pounds, and I have a month. Healthy? Not particularily (although I do need to lose the weight), but if necessary I will do it.
Ah well. Que sera, sera. Whatever will be, will be. The universe is unfolding as it should.