Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Something you love about yourself

It's harder to write about something I love about myself, than something I hate. After all, it's hardly egotistical to say I hate this or that about myself. On the other hand, I hate feeling like I'm tooting my own horn. There are a handful of things I don't mind saying that I'm good at: rollerskating, for instance, and writing. But they aren't things I LOVE about myself. They're just things I'm good at. Does that make sense?

I love the fact that I am able and willing to comfort the dying and the grieving. It's something not many people are comfortable with, and yet it doesn't bother me. Death doesn't frighten me as it does some people (though pain scares me a lot!), and so the hesitance many people feel around those who are suffering from terminal illnesses doesn't touch me. Perhaps it is because of my closeness with the cthonic gods like Hecate and Dionysos and Haidies and Persephone... and Nyx. Perhaps it's just my personality. Whatever it is, it just doesn't hit me as it hits others.

I do still grieve. When my friend Eric died, I was devastated. For almost a full year I was in a very deep emotional pool of hurting. Yet the idea of his death didn't pain me. It was losing him after finding him again. It was that he left me here and moved on. Now, five years later, I feel very close to him. He is with me a lot, in his silly panama hat and wearing the most ridiculous looking white outfit. It makes me laugh; perhaps that's why he does it.

In any case, it is that ability to be with the dying that I love about myself. I feel with them, empathize, but I also see them as just another human being who is suffering.
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