Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Love is love. If I love someone, I love them. I don't know that I ever actually withdraw love from someone. I do know that I still love my ex-husband and my mother, though they both abused me in different ways. I could not have been as angry and mad at them if I hadn't loved them. I suffered a lot coming to terms with the fact that I still love them even now, but I managed. A more difficult way of looking at the above question is what do you do when the other person's love is withdrawn? Eventually, the love on your side begins to fade. Perhaps it changes, rather than going away, as it did in the case of my mother and my ex. It's hard to maintain agape or philos or eros when the other person simply isn't emotionally available. There is a moment when it's appropriate to let the love fade, change, transform into something else. Otherwise, you cross the line into stalking or fanaticism.
How do you know the difference between disliking a person's behavior and withdrawing love?
I'm not sure I know how to differentiate between disliking a behavior and withdrawing my love. That's a tough question. I know that I can dislike a behavior and continue to love; that has happened between me and Gray, and me and Sis, on several occasions. Eventually you find a way to talk it over, deal with it, and you continue on. Withdrawing love ends something.
Review your family messages, your experiences, and your attitudes about other races, ages, social status, religions, nationalities, and other sex.
I think I'm a pretty open person. I do admit I have prejudices, though. I don't want to lie and make on like I'm perfect; I'm not. I admit to being prejudiced against Muslim extremists, and that I have a hard time telling the difference between a real Muslim and an extremist unless I get to know them well. I admit I have a general dislike for women drivers. I struggle with a prejudice I didn't grow up with, one against black Americans. I grew up in Canada, and I have heard the blacks there referred to as "Oreos" by American black people, because they're "only black on the outside, and white on the inside." After hearing that from a black man when I had newly moved to Maryland, I was upset, shocked, and realized that I had a very deep prejudice against people like that. So yeah, I have them. I also fight them, to the best of my ability.
Age, race, social status, religion, for the most part really don't bother me. I'm a bisexual female who is polyamorous and pagan, and is now also practicing Christianity. I don't think there's a much smaller niche that would hold someone! I try to treat others as I would want to be treated if I were them. I try not to push my ideals onto others.
Pretty much the only prejudice I grew up with was against religious people in general. My mother made no bones about the fact that anyone involved in religion was just using a crutch, that they were sad, weak people who were deluded. I obviously do not share that belief...