Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Seeds of Will 1

What would you be willing to die for?

I would die before I would give up myself. Over the years, I've run into several situations where I had to choose between subsuming my personality and my ethics and morals in order to live comfortably. Every time I have chosen myself over comfort. I will continue to make that choice as many times as needed. I cannot become someone else just because it's easier or more convenient or a bit cushier. I am who I am and while I don't thrust that upon other people, I also don't hide myself. I'm not an "in the closet" kind of gal. I'm me, and I don't apologize for that.

If you had only one year left to live, what would you do? How would your priorities change? Who and what would you forgive and release?

With only a year to live, I think I wouldn't change a whole lot. I would rather not be in the living situation I'm currently in, because it's highly stressful, but life itself is pretty good. Seminary is coming along well. I'm happy in my spiritual practices. I'm enjoying church practices. It doesn't seem to me that there's any major thing that MUST be done. I mean, I'd enjoy visiting Scotland and Japan, going to Disney with the kids, seeing my daughter graduate... but those are just things. I don't think my life would change all that much, to be honest. I think the most pressing "forgive and release" moments, for me, happened last year in regards to my mother and my ex. I guess the only major forgiveness I need is of myself.

What would you want said in your obituary?


Gah. I don't want to think about my obituary. I'm just 40, not 80! I suppose I'd like people to say I was a good person, that I worked hard and made a difference. I'd like it if I somehow made enough of an impact that people would miss me and mourn me, but not for too long. I'd like it said that I lived life to its fullest and never gave up on improving myself or the world around me.
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