Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Netzach - Endurance

According to Rabbi Rachel Barenblat over on her blog, netzach means endurance. This is week four of counting the Omer, and the reminder to endure comes half way through the seven weeks of the process. It seems to be a reminder to keep up the practice despite the fact that you're probably looking at your life and considering how many other "important" things you could be doing.

Really, this is what endurance is. When you're in pain, when you are grieving, when the world is going to hell around you, people understand and are there for you. They hold you, help you, and give you what you need to continue on. Those "big ticket" times are really rough... but in a lot of ways not nearly as rough as the smaller things.

I'm sitting here in my bed, distraught over the fact that our boytwin's IEP meeting happens to be next Monday... right when I was supposed to be in getting my xray to see if I could get out of this Transformer boot. I have to reschedule my appointment because, believe me, it's easier to reschedule with a surgeon than with teachers. I don't want to reschedule, though! I don't want to endure this stupid boot another minute! I want out of it NOW!

And there's that endurance. It's hard for other people to sympathize over little things like that. After all, Gray has to go to this meeting at the school, and so does sis. While they'd both love to see me out of my boot, our kids are more important than a non-emergency procedure that can easily wait another week without causing any harm. And they're right! So I have to find it within me to endure. I'm not going to get a ton of sympathy or help to endure this one, because it's technically an easy one. I'm not in pain, nothing bad is going to happen, etc.

The very act of waiting on this leg to heal has been an act of endurance. My family has been incredible, even the kids, in helping me get through this very frustrating time. They've put up with a lot of attitude from me, some very bad days, a few good days, and they haven't strayed from my side at all. I'm a very lucky lady to have so many people willing to help me along. It's as if the gods decided that I needed to have my endurance tested, but not TOO much.

The power to overcome this obstacle (be it the extra wait time for my xray, or the broken ankle itself) is within me. I can even ask for help, and I almost always receive it. Still, the final endurance is my own. That which does not kill us makes us stronger!
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