Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Temple keeping

I'm on a diet. Yeah, I say that from time to time. Don't we all? And I say what everyone says at this point: this time it's going to be different. And truthfully, it IS always different, sometimes less successful and sometimes more, but always different. The bottom line is, my weight has become a health issue, and it simply can't continue the way it is. The temple that I have been given is becoming defiled, and it is time for me to do some serious temple keeping.

I'll post stats tomorrow, once I have them (I do a doctor-led weigh in tomorrow). Right now, I'm posting pictures. That's me, from just a couple of days ago (sorry, the photographer was a bit shorter than me and moving a lot... thanks girltwin!).

There are good things I see when I look at that picture. First, I see someone who is smiling, a real smile and not a "put it on while the picture is being snapped" smile. My life is good, and that's one thing that makes this diet very different from others. The support I have from family and friends right now is just incredible, and I'm hoping that support is going to be a real clincher in this fight against pounds. Another good thing is that my hair is growing, my nails are healthy, and my eyes are bright. I'm not UNhealthy, I'm just not as healthy as I should be.

The side view never pleases me. I'm an apple when it comes to body shape, and I carry all my weight in my belly. If I wanted to be charitable I'd say I look somewhat pregnant. The bottom line is that I'm overweight, and for quite some time now I've officially been considered obese.

I'm supposed to have goals for this diet, and I really don't want to make them "poundage" goals. The scale lies, because as I get healthier I expect to start weight lifting again, and my "weight loss" will slow down a lot, because muscle weighs considerably more than fat. So no pounds (although I'll be posting my actual weight after each of my official weigh-in's). Instead, I want to make goals that are visual and physical based.

First, I want there to be a separation between my boobs and my belly. At one time, my boobs were... freestanding, for lack of a better word. Now, they just kind of blend into my belly. So, I want the belly small enough that the boobs actually stand up and look purty.

Second, I want to stop hurting all the time. I realize that some of my aches and pains aren't going to disappear no matter how much weight I lose (the broken ankle is always going to ache when there's a pressure change, for instance). However, I'd guess that a lot more than half of my aches and pains are directly related to my weight. So, I want to be able to get up in the morning and walk downstairs instead of limping and hanging onto the banister for dear life. I want my ankles to have a lot less pressure on them, making me that much less likely to trip and fall and hurt myself yet again.

Third, I want to go back to having one chin, and a real neck. My face has always held weight, and I'm not expecting miracles. However, in this picture my double chin is quite obvious... and I was trying to suck up for the photo.

Fourth, I want desperately to be healthy enough and in low enough pain (or pain free, if I dare wish and hope) that I can go back to weight lifting. I used to love doing weight lifting, circuit training and free weights both. It made me feel good. It made me sweat and ache in a good way. I don't care if I'm the only fat girl in the weight room. That doesn't bother me one bit. It's that right now I'm not healthy enough to even go in the weight room at all.

Fifth, I want to try and do Zumba. I love dancing, and I love music, and it just seems to me that it would be a fun thing to do. I've watched the kids do it. I've seen videos. But right now, both the doc and I are concerned I'd trip, turn my ankle, and end up in a cast again. This would be a bad thing. So even though this isn't a listing of pounds, I need to be down below 200 lbs in order to start Zumba safely, so that's my fifth goal.

I have others. I'd love to get my weight down below 160. It would be great to be in shape enough to get a bicycle and ride it all around to the various churches and places I serve. Maybe I can learn to actually *run* on a treadmill instead of just walking and hoping I don't fall.

Right now, though, my main goal is to make it through the next six weeks. I want to be strong emotionally and physically. I want to keep it together, deal with the extremely low daily calories allowed, and sail through the VLCD portion of the program. I want to not only survive, but to thrive. Whew. Wish me luck...
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