Thursday, September 26, 2013

Day 9 - Diet updates

Exercising helps... (1)
Well, I'm now on Day 9 of my diet. I didn't end up posting my stats on Monday and I've been hellishly busy all this week. But this morning I finally have a few moments of free time. So for those who are interested in how I'm doing, read on. Those who don't care, carry on with whatever else you were doing before you ran across this post.

My weight this morning was 208 lbs. Wow. I am going to be honest and say that I haven't seen this side of 210 since 5 or 6 years ago. And even just losing the 12 lbs that I have so far (my initial weigh in had me at 220), I am noticing that my joints aren't hurting as much, I'm going up and down the stairs more easily, and I'm walking more easily. The food I've eaten is pretty much what I ate before, minus the dairy, grains, oils, and sweeteners. What I mean is, I'm not doing any shakes or pre-packaged food. I'm just making my normal food with the ingredients I have available to me per the diet. So for instance, yesterday I had a lovely fish curry for lunch. There you go.

The other side of things. In the interest of bluntness, I'm hungry right now. I will say this is the first time I've been really and truly hungry since I started the diet, and I can pretty much tell you why I'm hungry. I ministered at a funeral yesterday and was invited to the wake. I took my own food, but that family was designed to be my nemesis: they had a whole wheel of really good brie cheese, a lasagna, tiramisu made from scratch and labeled "not for children: alcoholic", and a variety of other delicious things laid out. I spent most of my time on their balcony, trying to ignore the rumblings in my stomach. Oh, how I wanted to go eat something, ANYTHING. And I'm still hungry this morning. I'll get past it, but it's been really rough.

I haven't been truly hungry on this diet so far. I am vaguely munchy, is how I describe it. I've enjoyed eating the foods I've been allowed, and I've mostly felt full after eating them. The food is simple, easy to prepare, and I make it really tasty with spices and herbs. Emotionally, though, this has just been a roller coaster. I get happy seeing the number on the scale, yes, but I've been angry and frustrated with everyone around me. My tolerance for things going "other than planned" has been almost zero. I blow up very quickly, and I've been miserable for much of it.

I'm afraid of coming off the diet and going right back to the over-eating. I'm learning a lot about portion control, and that's good, but I'm hungry. I want to eat. I miss having a bit of popcorn with the kids on the weekend. I miss being able to have low fat non-dairy creamer in my coffee. I miss being able to have tuna. I miss having breakfast, and more than that, I miss having eggs.

This is HARD.

I'm not giving up. Here's why:

Neck: start: 15.75" / Monday the 23rd: 15.25"
Bicep: start: 13" / Monday: 12.75"
Waist: start: 49.5" / Monday: 49"
Hips: start: 52" / Monday: 51.25"
Thigh: start: 19.25" / Monday: 18.5"
Weight: start: 220lbs / Monday: 213.5lbs

According to my scale (which may differ from the doctor's), on my first weigh in day at home (Friday last week) I was 216lbs. This morning I was 208lbs. I weighed myself three times, because I didn't think that was right.

Yes, the weight is coming off. Yes, the girth is coming off. Yesterday, I fit into a dress that I haven't fit into for over a year. It was a wee bit tight, but if I hadn't been heading out to something where I was doing a lot of moving, I could easily have worn it. And I didn't hurt going up and down the stairs to pee during the night. I didn't get up all creaky like I have been.

There. Now you know.

1) Image by o0o0xmods0o0o / morgueFile

Thursday, September 19, 2013

Weighing in - Day 3

Well, here it goes. Weigh in was tonight. First weigh in, so please don't judge. I'm feeling kind of emotionally shaky right now. Here goes:

Weight: 220 lbs
Neck: 15.75"
Shoulder: 47"
Chest: 51"
Bicep: 13"
Waist: 49.5"
Hips: 52"
Thigh: 19.25"
Calf: 16.25"

Today for lunch I had 4 oz of chicken breast, 4 oz of mixed broccoli, carrot, mushroom, and green onions, and 1 piece of melba toast. I had that with a cup of lettuce, a half cup of spinach, a half cup of cabbage, 4 cherry tomatoes, a half cuke and a half pepper, with a home made dressing. I had coffee with coconut milk and stevia (2 big mugs), and (at time of posting) about 80 oz of water.

For dinner I had 4 oz of chicken breast cooked in a tbsp of coconut milk and curry, with 4 oz of mixed broccoli, red pepper strips, mushrooms, and zucchini sliced like "noodles". I had a kiwi as my fruit, and one half of a pita pocket to sop up the (admittedly rather tasty) curry sauce.

And now it's almost 9pm, and I'm going to bed.

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Temple keeping

I'm on a diet. Yeah, I say that from time to time. Don't we all? And I say what everyone says at this point: this time it's going to be different. And truthfully, it IS always different, sometimes less successful and sometimes more, but always different. The bottom line is, my weight has become a health issue, and it simply can't continue the way it is. The temple that I have been given is becoming defiled, and it is time for me to do some serious temple keeping.

I'll post stats tomorrow, once I have them (I do a doctor-led weigh in tomorrow). Right now, I'm posting pictures. That's me, from just a couple of days ago (sorry, the photographer was a bit shorter than me and moving a lot... thanks girltwin!).

There are good things I see when I look at that picture. First, I see someone who is smiling, a real smile and not a "put it on while the picture is being snapped" smile. My life is good, and that's one thing that makes this diet very different from others. The support I have from family and friends right now is just incredible, and I'm hoping that support is going to be a real clincher in this fight against pounds. Another good thing is that my hair is growing, my nails are healthy, and my eyes are bright. I'm not UNhealthy, I'm just not as healthy as I should be.

The side view never pleases me. I'm an apple when it comes to body shape, and I carry all my weight in my belly. If I wanted to be charitable I'd say I look somewhat pregnant. The bottom line is that I'm overweight, and for quite some time now I've officially been considered obese.

I'm supposed to have goals for this diet, and I really don't want to make them "poundage" goals. The scale lies, because as I get healthier I expect to start weight lifting again, and my "weight loss" will slow down a lot, because muscle weighs considerably more than fat. So no pounds (although I'll be posting my actual weight after each of my official weigh-in's). Instead, I want to make goals that are visual and physical based.

First, I want there to be a separation between my boobs and my belly. At one time, my boobs were... freestanding, for lack of a better word. Now, they just kind of blend into my belly. So, I want the belly small enough that the boobs actually stand up and look purty.

Second, I want to stop hurting all the time. I realize that some of my aches and pains aren't going to disappear no matter how much weight I lose (the broken ankle is always going to ache when there's a pressure change, for instance). However, I'd guess that a lot more than half of my aches and pains are directly related to my weight. So, I want to be able to get up in the morning and walk downstairs instead of limping and hanging onto the banister for dear life. I want my ankles to have a lot less pressure on them, making me that much less likely to trip and fall and hurt myself yet again.

Third, I want to go back to having one chin, and a real neck. My face has always held weight, and I'm not expecting miracles. However, in this picture my double chin is quite obvious... and I was trying to suck up for the photo.

Fourth, I want desperately to be healthy enough and in low enough pain (or pain free, if I dare wish and hope) that I can go back to weight lifting. I used to love doing weight lifting, circuit training and free weights both. It made me feel good. It made me sweat and ache in a good way. I don't care if I'm the only fat girl in the weight room. That doesn't bother me one bit. It's that right now I'm not healthy enough to even go in the weight room at all.

Fifth, I want to try and do Zumba. I love dancing, and I love music, and it just seems to me that it would be a fun thing to do. I've watched the kids do it. I've seen videos. But right now, both the doc and I are concerned I'd trip, turn my ankle, and end up in a cast again. This would be a bad thing. So even though this isn't a listing of pounds, I need to be down below 200 lbs in order to start Zumba safely, so that's my fifth goal.

I have others. I'd love to get my weight down below 160. It would be great to be in shape enough to get a bicycle and ride it all around to the various churches and places I serve. Maybe I can learn to actually *run* on a treadmill instead of just walking and hoping I don't fall.

Right now, though, my main goal is to make it through the next six weeks. I want to be strong emotionally and physically. I want to keep it together, deal with the extremely low daily calories allowed, and sail through the VLCD portion of the program. I want to not only survive, but to thrive. Whew. Wish me luck...

Me-Time

It's cold in the mornings, now. The temperature in the house drops into the low 50s during the night, and the grass outside is crunchy with frost. It is weather that encourages you to cuddle back under the comforter, tucking the flannel sheets around you and a partner. It's weather that calls for steaming mugs of sweet coffee in the morning, and fragrant herbal teas in the evenings. It's cold enough for sweaters, but not cold enough to warrant turning on the heat or pulling out the winter jackets. It's . . . perfect.

This is my favorite time of year, which I cherish as the leaves turn and fall, the chipmunks scurry around with bulging cheeks full of nuts and stolen vegetables from the garden. My tomatoes are done, as are the green beans. It's time to harvest what's left, except for the few staying on the vine to dry for seed for next year. It's time to invest in mums and pumpkins and Indian corn.

It's also my favorite time of year because I'm still organized. I always go into a frenzy of organization for kids returning to school, and my schedules haven't broken down yet. By 8:30am, everyone is gone from the house and I settle myself down with a cup of coffee and the morning news. I play meditation music and take a half hour all to myself. Some days it feels like stolen moments of heaven. Other times, I find it hard to get past the guilt of taking me-time when I should be doing dishes or laundry or organizing the pantry. Those me-times are important, too, though. Some days, mostly the days when I feel guilty about it, the me-time is VERY necessary.

Taking time for the self is such a hard thing, especially in our North American Hustle'n'Bustle society. There's this idea that we have to be Doing Something every minute of the day. We're no longer driven by the need to accomplish X or Y or Z. Instead, we're just driven, pushed to unendingly grind against the world, not stopping because there's literally so much work to be done that to dare take time for the self is to take time away from giving to everyone else. Children and employees are no longer rated on what they learn or receive praise for completing work early. Instead, they're simply handed the next task, without a thank you or a good word.

So how do we get out of our self-made trap? Dare to take some me-time. Be a rebel, and spend five minutes in meditation. Be alright with showing up 15 minutes late to your next task if it means you get what you need.

We see it all the time, what I call "the oxygen mask notice." We have to take care of ourselves first and foremost, because if we don't, we won't be able to help others. In not taking me-time, we're crippling our ability to be there for our family and friends. The down time that allows our souls and hearts to heal, rest, and rejuvenate is absolutely necessary.

So stop and look at the field of golden grain down the road. Pick apples and then sit under the tree and eat one while you scan the newspaper. Take a hot bath with a cup of tea, and let the water sooth you inside and out. Shut the rest of the world out for just a little while, and let yourself be content with relaxing.

It's okay. You have permission.

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